


Raindrops keep falling, but it's not your fault.

by lizzielula05



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A kiss can mean lots of things, Angst?, Cas has PTSD, Cas hates rain, Comforting Dean, Gen, Hurt Castiel, I Actually Did Alright, Me Of The Past Is Very Cliché Though, Possibly OOC Cas, Reading This Again After Almost A Year, Sad Castiel, Scared Castiel, just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 17:04:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6996961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzielula05/pseuds/lizzielula05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So basically rain is a trigger for Castiel and he has a break down during which Dean comforts him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Raindrops keep falling, but it's not your fault.

**Author's Note:**

> Jeez this got sad, I've never written anything like this before, please don't be too hard on me. Set after the Angels fell, obviously. Cas is human and staying at the bunker for now. I am warning you now so take heed, it just kind of ends. Also, I already kind of regret this title.

"Where's Cas?" rang Dean's voice from the kitchen. "I was gonna see if he wanted a sandwich."

"I haven't seen him for a while." Replied Sam, without looking up from the book his nose was currently buried in. "And I'm not hungry by the way, thanks for asking."

Dean rolled his eyes and began to apply butter generously to the bread in front of him, humming a nonsensical tune under his breath. But a tiny crease appeared in his brow as he tried to think for a plausible explanation for his former angel friend's disappearance. He couldn't take it a second longer, Dean put down his butter knife and resolved to go on a bunker wide search.

"Cas?" Echoed Dean's voice through the building. "Cas, buddy where are ya?"

"Why don't you just call him?" Asked Sam, glaring at his brother for the interruption.

"I am calling him." Said Dean.

"Oh haha, he's got a cell phone now, right?" 

Dean considered this option for a moment before deciding it would in fact be easier.

"Yeah, I guess." He said, although a part of him was tempted to keep yelling just to annoy his brother. Dean reached in his pocket and frowned when he felt nothing but empty air. Peeking into his bedroom he observed his phone wasn't there either.

"I think I left it in the car." He muttered to no one as he trekked up the stairs to the exit. Listening from inside it appeared to be raining. Heavily.

"Dammit Cas!" He cursed as he grabbed his jacket, shrugged it on and turned up the collar before entering the outside.

 

Dean stopped dead in his tracks as he saw a lone, sodden figure, kneeling not 20 feet away from the door in the middle of the downpour. Relief flashed through him before confusion set in. "What the hell is he. . ." Dean muttered, thinking out loud. 

He assumed Castiel must be praying or something before noticing the almost imperceptible shaking of his shoulders, which was difficult to see through the curtain of rain. Panic started to trickle it's way into the pit of Deans stomach, as icy cold as the rain that fell around him was.

"Cas?" He half shouted as he walked toward his friend. When there was no response he broke into a jog, reaching the other man in seconds. "Cas what's wrong? Are you hurt?" Ask Dean, concern etched into his voice. 

Dean looked at Castiel, now more worried than ever. He had flinched slightly at Deans words. One hand was clasped firmly across his mouth, as if to keep himself from screaming. His shirt and hair were plastered to his skin. He was violently shivering, the shaking from the cold combined with the sobs that racked his body every few seconds. His eyes were red and fixed on the sky, absolute despair and utter self loathing were clearly expressed in his countenance, Dean knew that look, he'd seen it on his own face enough times. With a start Dean realized that some of the droplets shining on Castiel's face weren't from the rain.

"Cas?! Cas, come on talk to me?" Dean pleaded, shaking him lightly. Cas took his hand off his mouth and sunk down so he was sitting on his calves. A strangled half sob escaped his lips, a sound of pure misery. The sound cut into Dean's heart sharper than any knife.

"Cas!" Shouted Dean in earnest now, snapping his fingers in front of his face. Cas's eyes searched frantically until they met Dean's and the shattered look in them was almost too much for Dean to meet them back.

"Dean" came Cas's broken voice. "Dean I. . ." Cas tried to find the right words, willing him to understand.

"What's wrong?" Asked Dean trying to calm his heart rate, he couldn't afford to panic right now, not when Cas needed him. "What, what're you doing out here?"

"I just needed some air." Said Cas in a hoarse and heartbreakingly apologetic voice.

"Hey, Cas, it's okay," said Dean, trying to reassure him, "you gotta come inside, man, you're gonna get hypothermia." Castiel nodded but made no attempt to stand.

"Oh, Cas." Dean murmured, at a loss for words. In a split second decision he slipped off his hunting jacket and placed it gently around Castiels quivering shoulders and scooped him up bridal style. Castiel made no attempt to resist, his body limp in Dean's arms. 

Dean carried him carefully, trying not to slip. Despite his best efforts, his foot skidded in the mud and Castiel very suddenly clasped his arm around Deans neck. "Shh," Dean almost whispered, as if speaking to a very small child. "I won't let you fall, I'll never let you fall, Cas." He kept his tone soothing and it seemed to help. 

Cas slowly relaxed, his eyelids falling a millimetre a second. He pressed his head against Deans chest and and began to sob quietly, trusting him completely in that moment, with every vulnerability he had to offer. Dean marvelled at how easy it was to carry him, they fit together perfectly, almost like two puzzle pieces. 

"Sam?" Called out Dean upon opening the bunker door. "I need a hand here." 

Sam, interested by the strange tone of his brothers voice made his way towards the exit. He smirked when he saw Dean and Cas in a very knight and damsel like position, until he saw the look on Dean's face. 

"Something's really wrong, Sammy." Said Dean, stating the obvious. Dean let go of Castiel's legs and encouraged him stand. When he stumbled and nearly took Dean down with him Sam rushed in to support Cas's left side. They slowly made their way toward Cas's room and eased him onto his bed.  
"He's freezing." Observed Dean, taking one of Castiel's icy hands. "I'll get him some tea or something." He started to get up but Cas's hand clung to his own desperately,  
"Please." He heard him whisper, Dean swallowed back the lump in his throat.

"Ok new plan, you get the tea, I'll stay with him."

"Yeah, sure." said Sam somewhat absently as backed out of the bedroom and turned toward the direction of the kitchen.

"Cas?" Asked Dean, studying his face, looking for some kind of response.

"Cas, come on please," Dean pleaded, "You're scaring me." Cas had drawn his knees up to his chest and looked pitifully small.

"You gotta get out of these clothes." Said Dean gesturing to the soaked garments Cas was currently wearing. He slowly, carefully unbuttoned the front of Cas's shirt, working his arms out of the sleeves. The strangeness of the situation didn't even occur to him.

Dean got up to get a towel for Castiel's hair and the tears he'd been swallowing back grew more insistent when he heard Castiel call his name in a panic in just the few seconds he was gone.

"Hey, it's alright." Said Dean, rushing back to his friend. He wrapped the towel around Castiel's bare chest and his own arms around the towel. "What set this off huh?" Asked Dean, now rubbing Cas's arms and back in a circular motion, recognizing that he just needed to be close to someone right now. 

Castiel shook his head, looking ashamed. "Come on, what happened, talk to me."

"I," Cas cleared his throat, "It was just, the rain." He managed. Dean looked at him perplexed. "It was falling," he choked out in a half sob, " It was falling like my brothers and sisters, what have I done?!, I did this, Dean. The angels falling, it was my fault." Tears were flowing freely down Castiel's face now and he was sobbing hard. "How do you do this?" He demanded, "Every day, how do you stop these feelings from crushing you? I felt your pain, Dean and even as a warrior of heaven it was staggering. How do I. . . stop feeling?"

"I'm not the right person to ask, Cas. I don't know how deal with that pain and I don't deal with it." Dean said, now requiring an intense amount of effort to swallow back his tears.

"Do you ever think the world would be a better place without you in it?" Asked Cas in a shattered voice. That broke Dean completely.

"Don't think that, Cas don't you ever think that." He said harshly as tears rolled down his cheeks. "You're worth it, you've made some mistakes but I don't think there's a being from heaven to hell and everywhere in between that hasn't, you're worth it to me."

"No, no I've hurt so many of them, Dean, the angels would still be in heaven, so many people would still be on earth." Said Cas in hushed, hollow voice. Dean grabbed his face and pulled it close so their foreheads were touching, Castiel gasped when he felt Deans lips brush softly against his.

"I wouldn't." Whispered Dean. "What about me, Cas? I wouldn't be here. I'd be in hell. I needed you, I need you."

"You need me?" Asked Cas uncertainly, Dean could feel Castiel's warm breath on his own lips. He looked into the blue eyes so very close to his own, he saw pain, yes a lot of pain but also a little bit of hope.

"I need you." He confirmed. Cas's eyes fluttered shut and leaned against Dean sighing. Dean shut his eyes also, wrapping his arms around Castiel and laying his chin on the top of his head.

 

He would have been content to stay like that for hours but unfortunately Sam took this moment to poke his head around the doorframe, "Are you guys having a moment?" He asked far too innocently. Dean knew it didn't take that long to make tea.

"We were." Said Dean, letting go of Cas and glaring at his brother.

"Here." Said Sam, wisely refraining from teasing and handing the tea to Castiel.

"Thank you, Sam." Said Cas, sniffling and occasionally hiccupping.

"You good?" Asked Dean.

"I am good." Replied Cas, smiling slightly.

"Right." Said Dean, now feeling slightly awkward. "No more going out in the rain, alright?"

"Alright." Said Cas, his cheeks heating.

"Ok then." Said Dean exiting the room. 

"So what was that about?" Asked Sam out in the hallway.

"The rain," Dean made a fluttery gesture to signify rain, "It, uh, reminded him of the Angels falling." he explained rather vaguely.

"Huh. He seemed pretty worked up, I put some stuff in his tea, should knock him right out."

"Yeah" said Dean peering into Cas's room, he was already curled up on the bed, but Dean wasn't sure he was asleep.

"You think he'll be alright?" Asked Sam.

"Yeah, I think he'll be okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Yup.  
> I should mention as well that this was inspired by chapter nine of Maknatuna's adorable work Thirty Shades of Destiel, which you, reader, should go read right now.


End file.
